disappointment

15 Apr

(source)

sometimes its hard not to look at a cup as being half empty or half full before its even been poured.

but there are times when you sense things aren’t going to go as planned, or you fear it, and slowly one-by-one they reveal themselves to be that way.

i planned a very small baby shower. scheduled it around the departure of a friend, (who has now revealed themself to not be much of a friend at all), left the date open ended so it could be changed should not many people be able to make it, penciled it in on one of the only days my mum was about to hold it, and checked in with people frequently to ensure they were coming.

in less than 24 hours the guest list shrunk from a meager 11 confirmed out of 15 invites to 7. possibly 8. including me and the mister.

its hard not to feel disappointed. its hard not to feel guilty for choosing such a select group of people when nearly half of them can’t make it, or suddenly realized they worked. i went through the same thing with our wedding. we had a very small number of people we could invite, make hard choices on who to invite, and a lot of people never showed.

the hormones sure don’t help, let me tell you.

to those friends who are coming, or were clear they would not be able to make it from the start, i am grateful. and i cannot wait to celebrate the coming birth of my son with them. i am trying so very hard to imagine my cup overflowing tomorrow, and not dwell on the emotions and insecurities disappointment seem to bring about.

now to pick between the 2 party dresses that still fit me! and if my cup isn’t full of optimism tomorrow, i’ll fill it to the brim with pink ginger ale and eat a dozen cupcakes. (actually, i’ll probably do that anyways)

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